Lie of the Moon
by ami-chan200
Summary: Ruby Moon keeps a secret from the rest of the world, but never from Eriol or Spinel. This is short and rather bizzare. ; lol Read at your own risk.


Lie of the Moon  
  
By Ami-chan  
  
I almost find it surprising that no one has ever guessed my secret or ever questioned me. Well. Not "no one", per se, but Eriol and Spinel don't count because they already know the truth, no one guessing involved. They wouldn't tell anyone, either, because that's not either of their styles. Still, how can no one see it? Not that I mind entirely, because I do like keeping secrets, but it just seems so obvious to me. Then again, it has always been truth to me so perhaps I'm less obvious than I think.  
  
Eriol created me to be Spinel's opposite. We are both reflections of parts of personally, his quirks. Spinel is the reflection - in part - of Eriol's outward appearance to others. I am more of Eriol's internal feelings, his hyperness, his joy, his excitement, his love of fun and fascinating activates. To equate it to Freud's model, I would be the id while Spinel would be the ego. Eriol, of course, would be the superego.  
  
I once asked Eriol why on Earth he had made me the way I am, why I had strange feelings and desires and how I wasn't exactly normal. "That wasn't what I did," he had explained. "I gave you joy and excitement and love of things, but it was you who choose what to like, what to find enjoyment in. How you turned out what your decision because I gave you the freedom to grow and to choose your path."  
  
So, how I am is my fault. I don't mind. In fact, I find it interesting that I had made of myself what I am now. Odd, perhaps in the sense that any behavior might be considered abnormal, but than what standards can be held to a magically created being who can change forms at will? I figure I can pretty much write my own standards since there are so few of us in existence.  
  
So, perhaps I am a bit odd, anyway, but I don't see that as a problem since it doesn't impair me in anyway. There are humans who do the same things I do so it isn't like it's just me exclusively exhibiting these behaviors. Some people still say it is wrong or they otherwise frown upon it or get upset about it, which is mostly why I have never told anyone. Maybe I wouldn't tell anyway, though, because I like that no one can see it. It's fun to fool people so completely! They don't even think twice about it; I don't even get a second glance  
  
I am perfectly normal in my false form. Even in my true form no one would question it. After all, aren't a obviously female? Isn't there no question at all about that?  
  
Well, in my mind there is no question about it, nor from Eriol's or Spinel's point of view, either. Nor anyone else's for that matter, though their opinion would be of the opposite of the truth. To them I am at first, second, and third glance a female, but they would be surprised to learn that I am not at all. Well, if a magically created and mythologically based being can be either male or female, that is. And if they can, then I am definitely of the male persuasion.  
  
I guess there are no true humans with Eriol's power anymore and indeed, Eriol is an ancient sorcerer though he is presently young in years. I would have thought they could have compared his previous beings, though and seen the uneven differences at least. Were not three of his creations male? So, what makes them - "them" being Sakura, Yue, Keroberos, and Li - think the forth would be any different? As I said previously, though, there is no one of the old magic who can create such beings so I will assume they don't know the rules. That's nicer than pegging them as complete idiots, I think.  
  
It's simple, you see. Or, at least I believe it to be a simple matter, though it can be viewed as complex. When creating a permanent individual such as Spinel, Yue, Keroberos, and myself, the creator can only create beings that are the same as they are. So, if the creator were female, since it is them doing the creating, the being can only be female. They could make it a flat-chested being, if they so desired, but it would still be female. So even if Eriol had wanted to create a magical being to be a female, it would have been impossible.  
  
The cards are another matter entirely and are not subject to the laws of permanent magical beings. For the cards, it is easier for the creator to create opposite genders, which was the reason most of the cards were female. Still, for the cards, it is possible to create either gender at will, since they can be both animate or inanimate while still being functional.  
  
Back to me, though. It was I that choose to have long hair and to dress as I do. I cannot say exactly why I choose this since I am not positive exactly /how/ Eriol created us. What I know is that it is a very difficult, very personal process that the creator's mood when he or she is creating a new being affects the being deeply. Eriol was exhausted for a week after he created me; he had waited almost a month after creating Spinel to create me. Sun being comes first, then the reflection of the moon. I'm told that that is the way it should always go.  
  
So, perhaps Eriol's thoughts and feelings determined what I am and how I am though he himself does not realize that or the complications involved in it. Or, maybe, as some theorize, my environment shaped me and my thoughts and what I choose to become. My heritage, however, also shaped me because it is obvious Eriol put himself into my creation. Not that I wish I were different than I am, not that I wish I could have been female, but I do find it interesting how I turned out and would like to know more about me and the process of my behavior as it is now.  
  
Some would call me abnormal for my behavior alone (if they were ever to guess my transvestite tendency), though being a magical being makes me unusual, too. It's true my behavior would fit some of the components of abnormality - it is statistically infrequent and it violates social norms. However, it causes no personal distress on my part nor any disability or dysfunction so that it's only bad as far as society is concerned.  
  
Eriol doesn't think it's bad or even strange. Spinel might seem cold or distant at times but I know he accepts me as what I am. In fact, I think Spinel likes me though he'd probably never admit that. If it were only he and Eriol, after all, there wouldn't be a lot of variation and I certainly brighten things up and make them more interesting. Besides, we're all family and we've learned to live with and even enjoy each other's company and our occasional abnormalities no matter how strange they might be.  
  
Then there's the question: if I look, act, and dress like a female, but am not female, does that mean I am sexually attracted to other males? Honestly, I don't know. I have never really evaluated my feelings about anyone outside of my family. I love Eriol and Spinel. Sure, I tried to get Touya's attention to get his power, but I was never physically attracted to him.  
  
Eriol would probably say that I'm far too young to fully understand what sex I'm attracted to. Or, maybe I'll like both. It was not so long ago that Eriol created me and though I was given intellectual intelligence, he says I need to develop social and interpersonal intelligence, too. Either way, rather, whatever way I choose, Eriol will always adore and support me. He's very sweet like that. I think it's partly because he's been able to have so many experiences in his past life which makes him calm and easy going now. He's learned not to take anything too seriously.  
  
Of course, I rarely take anything seriously, either, and I can't say that's due to having existed at a point prior to my current existence. Still, that doesn't matter all that much. I'm happy with who and what I am. I am happy cross-dressing and getting excited over little pleasures like cute stuffed animals and candy.  
  
It does disturb me when I think that someday Eriol will die, being a mortal. I will survive as long as there is magic to sustain me, meaning I could, perhaps, live forever. Eriol cannot, which, I think, is all the more reason for me to enjoy my time with him now for as long as it does last. I do hope it lasts a very, very long time.  
  
Still, Spinel - or Suppie, as I nicknamed him, much to his annoyance - will be with me always. There will be no cards for Spinel to guard because Eriol, unlike his former self, has chosen not to create any cards. He doesn't need them, after all. In his current form he's more powerful than he ever was as Clow and now, because he is so young, he has the ability to expand and enhance his power even more. The more powerful he becomes the more power Spinel and I gain.  
  
There is something that Eriol told me once: he said that he never expected that either of us would ever be more powerful than his previous creations, Yue and Keoberos. I asked how that was possible since he was so much more powerful than Sakura and our power depends on our master or mistress. His response? Yue and Keroberos are much older and more refined. They have had ages more of experience than either of us and have learned to do more with a lesser amount of energy than we have. So, inheriently, they will always be stronger. I do not mind. I think eventually they will be very good friends and that will be nice. Yue might not like me every much at first because of what I tried to do, but it will work out sooner or later.  
  
Oh, there is Eriol. He is home from school. I will go and greet him in a little while. He's really very cute, I must admit. He will be very handsome someday, but I think I will miss him being so little and adorable. Oh well. I'll enjoy all my time with him, no matter what. After all, I am part of him as much as he is a part of me.  
  
~The End~  
  
I don't necessarily believe what I wrote, but it's definitely an interesting possibility. ^_^ I had a crazy idea and I ran with it. That's about it. Ruby was always my least favorite character because we never really saw much of her (after this fic I'm almost leery to call Ruby a "her" lol), so I decided to see if I could write a fic about her and get into her head and maybe like her a bit more. I still don't like her, but at least I can see things from her point of view. ^_~ 


End file.
